The Parliament of Ghosts

Q: What can I get from the PlayStation Network Expanded Welcome Back Program?

A: In light of the community’s goodwill and understanding during this extended downtime, all PSN members, not just those who signed up before the outage began on April 20th, 2011, will be awarded a free error screen. This error screen will say “An error has occurred. (80710D36)” and appear whenever the user tries to access the PSN.  For many, the screen will look like this:

Though there are other, secret error screens (all with the same message) hidden throughout the PSN interface! Can you find them all?

Q: What about those games I was promised?

A: Redemption of the two free games, free month of PlayStation Plus membership, and other benefits detailed in the welcome back program is on hold for now to allow everyone to enjoy this unannounced bonus screen. As there are over 70 million subscribers to the PlayStation Network, we cannot handle the load of everyone attempting to simultaneously view this error screen and download about 2 gigabytes of data. In fact, there is no way we could possibly let everyone download their free games all at once, and it would have been foolish of us not to expect every single person to attempt to redeem their gift within hours of the program’s rollout. Instead, a select few will be permitted into the PlayStation Store to receive their free subscriber gift every few hours, chosen totally at random.

Q: Something went wrong, I can’t see the error screen!

A: Have you tried doing anything at all with the PlayStation Network? Many features of the PlayStation 3 do not actually require a connection to the PlayStation Network. To redeem your free error screen, please use any feature that requires a connection to the PlayStation Network, such as the PlayStation Store.

Q: Do I only get one error screen?

A: No! Sony understands how important these error screens are to the community, and rather than risk some users failing to receive this Welcome Back gift, we have decided to allow the user to access this error screen whenever they wish, simply by connecting to the PlayStation Network or PlayStation Store!

Q: What if I get a different error number?

A: That indicates an actual error occurring with your PlayStation 3 console, and is not part of the welcome back program. For example, error 80023102 indicates that you have tried to redeem your regular Welcome Back gift early. To dissuade this behavior, anyone receiving this error will lose one of their other welcome back gifts, seemingly at random.

Q: What about error number 8002A4A6?

A: This error code indicates you have Type II Diabetes.

Q: When will this special welcome back promotion end?

A: It is unknown at this time how long the promotion will last, but rest assured our announcements of its duration will be vague and largely unsatisfying!

Q: Hey, that guy in your commercials, is he…you know?

A: You mean the guy who looks like if Jim Gaffigan went to business school?

Q: Yeah, him.

A: What about him?

Q: It’s just, me and my friend had a bet, and we were wondering if he, uh, experiences error code 69ADUDE, if you know what I mean?

A: Unfortunately, it is Sony policy not to release personal information, with the exception of the information of our 70 million users, which is available to any teenager who posts on 4chan.

Spacklecube is pleased to have a guest post from one of the talented visual artists of Thor, Roderick Halfmansson, who offers an exclusive insight into the concept and design process of Jotunheim, home to the hulking frost giants.  Enjoy this behind the scenes look at the film Entertainment Weekly called “not art”!

Hello everyone, I’m Roderick Halfmansson, a concept illustrator for Thor, and I’m quite pleased to be able to offer you a breakdown of the creative process behind the creation of Jotunheim.  I was given very complex directions by director Kenneth Branagh, who had a distinct visual design in mind for the entire film.  He said to me, “Rod’rick, my beloved wool-sack, what mutter you?  ’Tis surely time we sat ‘pon these leather-bound seats and spoke of that grand design, that Jotunheim, that it might be splash’d ‘cross the screen to the astonishment of those lovers of thou work, O cinema!  This land you create, my sky-minded flax-worshipper, shall be a world in death, lying ’bout shrouded in darkness and haunted by such wretched monsters, the giants of frost.  Now to work with you, bottle-ale rascal!  I am off to create that which shall be held in regard by all!”

With these instructions I set to the task of fulfilling the director’s grand authorial vision by thinking, “If I were a Frost Giant, where would I live?”  The answer quickly came to me: “In any first person shooter made in the 1990s.”  So I immediately set to work on a concept render of the grand hall of the Frost Giants:

The word "QUAKE" is written on the central arch, as a warning to all those who enter the Frost Giants' presence

Then, using the 3d model as a reference, I created a concept illustration for Mr. Branagh:

I sketch out the design freehand, and then scan and digitally render the image in Photoshop.

Armed with this early concept, I went to Mr. Branagh for immediate feedback, and got it.  ”Alas, thy design is great yet flawed.  These earthy tones, nature’s browns and grays and grayish-browns, they are not the colors of the Frost Giants, whose Jotunheim is a land of ice.  Get thee to a nunnery, Rod’rick, and return when you have something to offer me with that grand palette of the frigid,” he said.

After clarifying that this meant he wanted it bluer, I took the concept illustration back to Photoshop and began playing with the palette until I got a more satisfying color scheme:

The blue tones used in this redesign were inspired by the color blue.

I returned to Mr. Branagh, who once again had further advice on how to achieve his directorial vision.

“This brightly-lit land is not dying, you wench-trodden bakery-smith!  ’Tis a rainbow of light and song compar’d to the shadows in which the monstrous giants lurk.  Begone from my sight, and return not until thou hast created shadows within which can lurk the hulking Frost Giants of Jotunheim, a worthy opponent for the Mighty Thor!”

I took the Great Thespian’s (at this point we were legally obligated to refer to Mr. Branagh by this title) criticisms to heart, and worked on an entirely new design, one that could adequately conceal the menace of the mighty Frost Giants.  Within the week, I returned to Mr. Branagh with this:

For this design, I took another artist's work as inspiration and, using Photoshop, blurred out the part of the image where he signed it.

Mr. Branagh was furious when he saw this design.  ”You pusillanimous lager-headed bat-swine!  What knave art thou to come before me with this brightly-lit playground for children?  I ask for but a small change, and you shift the very earth ‘neath my feet!  Return thy idiocy to its original form, and bring unto me what I have asked: that brilliant Jotunheim that sprang forth from thine head fully-formed like ‘Thena from ‘Eus, but contain’d of more shadows that the sinister forms of the Frost Giants might conceal themselves within!”

So I did this:

I didn't feel like taking out the light on the left side so I just hoped Sir (the new contract specified he was to be referred to by this title) Kenneth Branagh wouldn't notice it.

He loved it, saying, “Belov’d Rod’rick, thine ‘ye strik’s tru’ w’th th’s cr’ation.  ’Tis ‘n art’fice l’ke n’one oth’r.  ”””””’ ”” ” ””’.”  At this point he was so excited he was removing every letter he said and replacing it with an apostrophe, so I just left the design on his desk and took off, figuring he could have an assistant email me.  It turned out he was actually having a stroke and I had left him to die, so I was pretty well fired at that point.  He may have removed my name from the credits and ensured I will never work again, but he did use my concept design for Jotunheim!

“I hope this was a very interesting post thanks for writing it”

- User “Home Made Sex Videos” on post “Here Comes the Crawfish”
(caught by spam filter)